Target Selection – a Terrorist’s Guide

So let’s say you’re a terrorist.

Maybe, like Syed Farook and Tashfeen Malik, you’re a peace-loving, “moderate” Muslim who just suddenly and without any malice aforethought decides to commit mass murder. Or maybe you’re one of those Presbyterian terrorists that have been all over the news lately. Regardless of your religious beliefs, once you’ve made the important choice to kill a bunch of people who don’t believe the same way you do (for the sake of convenience, let’s call them “infidels”), your next big decision is where you’ll actually be pulling the trigger.

Since your goal is to murder large numbers of innocent people without anyone shooting back at you, it’s good to “arm yourself” with information about which infidels may or may not be packing heat.

States with Constitutional Carry

Okay, so these states are crazy—avoid them at all costs. I was going to say “Texas crazy,” but not even Texas is nuts enough to allow permit-less carry. Somehow, these idiot American infidels got it in their heads that when their Bill of Rights talks about “the right of the people to keep and bear Arms,” it actually means people should be able to bear them … as in carry them around. Yes, my friends, six of the 50 states (57, if you’re Barack Obama) allow their law-abiding citizens to just carry a gun around, willy-nilly, without any permits or checks or controls of any kind. I know, right?!

States with Constitutional Carry (in green)
State CCW Holders Population CCW Percentage Chance of Armed Infidels
Alaska No CCW Required 737,732 100% 1 in 1 chance
Arizona No CCW Required 6,731,484 100% 1 in 1 chance
Kansas No CCW Required 2,904,021 100% 1 in 1 chance
Maine No CCW Required 1,330,089 100% 1 in 1 chance
Vermont No CCW Required 626,011 100% 1 in 1 chance
Wyoming No CCW Required* 584,153 100% 1 in 1 chance

*In Wyoming, only Wyoming residents enjoy permit-less carry.

ConstitutionalCarryStates

So let this serve as fair warning to all you terrorists out there: if you’re planning a mass shooting, your best bet is to avoid these six states at all costs. There is literally a one in one chance that the minute you pull out your AK-47 and yell “Allahu akbar!” (or whatever the Presbyterians yell), pretty much any infidel walking down the street could pull out a gun and shoot back.

Kind of scary, isn’t it?

“Shall Issue” States

The next set of states is a mixed bag. They’re not nearly as cray-cray as the folks in Arizona and Vermont, because they require their residents to jump through some bureaucratic hoops in order to tote a gun around. But here’s the clincher. According to the laws in these states, if an infidel applies for a permit and isn’t a “prohibited person,” the state pretty much has to give that person the permit. In other words, the state shall issue a permit to anyone who meets the requirements. So pretty much a free-for-all.

According to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, a prohibited person is anyone who:

  • Is under indictment or information in any court for a crime punishable by imprisonment for a term exceeding one year
  • Has been convicted of a crime punishable by imprisonment for a term exceeding one year
  • Is a fugitive from justice
  • Is  an unlawful user of or addicted to any controlled substance
  • Has been adjudicated as a mental defective or has been committed to any mental institution
  • Is an illegal alien
  • Has been discharged from the military under dishonorable conditions
  • Has renounced his or her U.S. citizenship
  • Is subject to a court order restraining the person from harassing, stalking, or threatening an intimate partner or child of the intimate partner
  • Has been convicted of a misdemeanor crime of domestic violence

The reason these states are a mixed bag is that they all have different requirements. Permits cost more in some states than others. Some states require training at the shooting range while others require just classroom training.

Shall Issue States (in light green)
State CCW Holders Population CCW Percentage Chance of Armed Infidels
Utah 550,663 2,942,902 18.71% 1 in 5 chance
South Dakota 76,600 853,175 8.98% 1 in 11 chance
Indiana 537,964 6,596,855 8.15% 1 in 12 chance
Alabama 379,917 4,849,377 7.83% 1 in 12 chance
Tennessee 468,079 6,549,352 7.15% 1 in 13 chance
Pennsylvania 872,277 12,787,209 6.82% 1 in 14 chance
Iowa 201,901 3,107,126 6.50% 1 in 15 chance
Washington 456,270 7,061,530 6.46% 1 in 15 chance
Florida 1,278,246 19,893,297 6.43% 1 in 15 chance
Georgia 600,000 10,097,343 5.94% 1 in 16 chance
North Carolina 570,464 9,943,964 5.74% 1 in 17 chance
Arkansas 165,248 2,994,079 5.52% 1 in 18 chance
Idaho 85,535 1,634,464 5.23% 1 in 19 chance
West Virginia 92,000 1,850,326 4.97% 1 in 20 chance
Oklahoma 191,263 3,878,051 4.93% 1 in 20 chance
Oregon 194,162 3,970,239 4.89% 1 in 20 chance
South Carolina 229,456 4,832,482 4.75% 1 in 21 chance
Kentucky 203,266 4,413,457 4.61% 1 in 21 chance
Virginia 363,274 8,326,289 4.36% 1 in 22 chance
Michigan 430,095 9,909,877 4.34% 1 in 23 chance
North Dakota 30,997 739,482 4.19% 1 in 23 chance
Montana 38,616 1,023,579 3.77% 1 in 26 chance
Wisconsin 212,848 5,757,564 3.70% 1 in 27 chance
Ohio 391,816 11,594,163 3.38% 1 in 29 chance
Colorado 170,636 5,355,856 3.19% 1 in 31 chance
Minnesota 163,758 5,457,173 3.00% 1 in 33 chance
Louisiana 136,505 4,649,676 2.94% 1 in 34 chance
Nevada 80,892 2,839,099 2.85% 1 in 35 chance
Missouri 171,000 6,063,589 2.82% 1 in 35 chance
Texas 708,048 26,956,958 2.63% 1 in 38 chance
Mississippi 63,900 2,984,926 2.14% 1 in 46 chance
New Mexico 37,579 2,085,572 1.80% 1 in 55 chance
Nebraska 30,505 1,881,503 1.62% 1 in 61 chance
New Hampshire 10,133 1,326,813 0.76% 1 in 130 chance
Illinois 33,631 12,880,580 0.26% 1 in 382 chance

ShallIssueStates

Like I said, a mixed bag.

If you’re planning a mass shooting in a “shall issue” state, your best bet is Illinois, where you only have a 1 in 382 chance of encountering armed resistance. The odds would actually be much better (for you, the terrorist) if the stupid Supreme Court hadn’t struck down some super restrictive gun laws in McDonald v. Chicago. Illinois has only been issuing concealed carry permits for a few years now. Even so, they’re already making the state pretty unsafe for anyone wanting to commit a mass shooting. Be careful out there!

And don’t even get me started about Utah. That place is almost as insane as Arizona. Yes, they do require a permit to carry concealed, but almost 19 percent of the population actually has one. Folks, this is way worse than it sounds. Those freaky Utahns have lots of kids, and 30.7 percent of the population is under 18. So if you consider just the adults, you actually have a one in four chance that any given infidel could be packing. Whatever you do, don’t even consider committing your act of terror in the Beehive State!

“May Issue” States

Now we get to the most sensible choices for today’s terrorist. “May issue” states are those in which anyone and everyone can apply for a permit to carry a gun, and the state may issue the permit or it may not—it’s totally up to them. “May issue” states also tend to be the deep blue Democrat states where the hatred of the NRA runs deep. Lots of infidels apply, but only a few actually get permission to carry a gun around. Sounds like the way things should be, right?

May Issue States (in red)
State CCW Holders Population CCW Percentage Chance of Armed Infidels
Connecticut 203,989 3,596,677 5.67% 1 in 17 chance
Massachusetts 251,000 6,745,408 3.72% 1 in 26 chance
Delaware 5,000 935,614 0.53% 1 in 187 chance
Rhode Island 3,280 1,055,173 0.31% 1 in 321 chance
Maryland 14,298 5,976,407 0.24% 1 in 417 chance
California 35,000 38,802,500 0.09% 1 in 1,108 chance
New Jersey 1,212 8,938,175 0.01% 1 in 7,374 chance
Hawaii 183 1,419,561 0.01% 1 in 7,757 chance

MayIssueStates

On the dangerous end (for you, the terrorist) is Connecticut, where you have as much a chance of an “infidel” shooting back as you would in redneck North Carolina. Surprisingly, Massachusetts isn’t much better. Neither of these places make sense if you really want to do some damage.

But do you see where the really good targets of opportunity lie? California, where Farook and Malik recently staged their successful attack, is one of the safest places in America (for you, the terrorist) because you have only a one in 1,108 chance of encountering armed resistance. But you can do better than that! You’re seven times more likely to get shot at while committing terror in New Jersey and Hawaii than you are in California. And don’t forget New York! That state hasn’t reported the number of concealed carry permits it has issued, but we’re pretty sure your odds are much better (for you, the terrorist) than just about anywhere else in the country.

Allahu akbar (or the Presbyterian equivalent), and happy hunting!

Posted in Firearms, National Security, Politics
One comment on “Target Selection – a Terrorist’s Guide
  1. Phil801 says:

    This is a fantastic post! I’m going to use it to try to help educate my Presbyterian friends; I’m really tired of pointlessly losing them so frequently to their terror efforts. It’s such a waste when they go to blow themselves up to make a statement and some conservative nutjob shoots them before they’re able to take anyone with them.

    Share this post, make Presbyterian sacrifice more meaningful!